No body’s perfect

Nobody’s perfect. No (SPACE) body’s perfect. Mine is far from it. I have been battling a nasty head cold for the past two weeks. Plus, I am still trying to get rid of some eyelid eczema that is rather troublesome. But those pale in comparison to what is fresh on my mind – another biopsy coming up. The same spot that I was worried about last year is now even more concerning. So I go through the motions of getting checked out again. This time, I know where to go and I know what to expect. I am actually not overly stressed about it until I share with a few select people what is going on. Then the negative thoughts start popping into my head. What if this is cancer again? I am so stinkin’ close to reaching my 5-year mark. I’m actually more upset about the fact that I would have to start over from zero than I am if I would have to go through treatment all over again. That being said, I would hope that just surgery would be the recommended course of treatment if it were malignant. But I really don’t think it is. Yet, still the thoughts run its course.

I’ve met others on this cancer journey that have gone back for treatment. They seem to be faring well, and I wish the best for them. What the general public may not understand is how I communicate, or not communicate, what is going on during this time. I don’t wish to display my full health journey out to everyone. But I have my daughter’s Scout leader begging for a female adult to chaperone an overnight event. How do I decline out of that without saying “Yea, I can’t because my side hurts because of a mass I’m concerned about and I don’t think sleeping in a tent would be a great idea.”? I’d rather not broadcast to the world every single detail.

Then there’s the waiting game. I was blessed to get an ultrasound the next day. But that’s just one test. Next comes a biopsy, and that will take a month to get in. So until then, pass the Kleenex.